Making an Effort to Give Zero Fucks

So much is running through my mind, it can be difficult to focus in on just one thing to write about. I’ll try my best to stay on track. I’ve been spending a lot of time listening to music industry people and successful entrepreneurs via podcasts. I’m doing this to learn from people who actually know what they’re doing and who are graciously offering up a wealth of knowledge for free. These have been crucial in giving me hope and drive to chase my dreams. One thing that I can’t stop thinking about has been repeated throughout all of the podcasts I hear, even the silly light hearted ones. That thing is about the importance of being authentic.

I don’t want to paint a picture of what I wish I could be. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m someone I’m not. I think we’re all smart enough to see through bullshit, and I know that I personally love real-life stories. I don’t have any issue with being myself, however, I have a hard time feeling like anyone will care. This is my (our) current struggle. I keep hearing things about telling “your story” but what the hell is our story? What makes us so interesting? These questions are driving me insane. To be honest, I don’t know that we have an interesting enough story yet. Maybe we’re only just beginning to write it.

Something I personally keep fighting is my own self-esteem, which I’ve brushed over before. I’m still trying to feel completely comfortable on stage. I watch videos of us and I find it hard not to rip myself to shreds. “You’re too awkward, you’re too fat, and you’re not entertaining enough” are a few of many thoughts that run through my messed up head. I know I can’t possibly be alone in this. I know artists do this often, but I really wish I could pinpoint a way to get over it. I just want to be confident enough to feel 100% comfortable in my performance and my songs. I don’t understand why we chose the most vulnerable sort of work to get into, but I still love it and I still have hope.

So whether 1 person or 10 or 200 people read this blog, I’m just going to keep writing because I want to. I want to put time into the things I love regardless of what anyone else thinks, and regardless of my inner self-doubts. It won’t always go along with music. It’s going to be scattered self-reflection like this sometimes. It’s going to be whatever we want it to be. Here’s to giving zero fucks about what anyone else says. To the journey of doing whatever makes us happy. Thanks for reading.

-Heather.